oOOOkay! hi! quick note from editing dodie first thing, I’m going on another UK tour next year and there are some tickets still available! like a second London date and Belfast and Dublin and Bristol, Birmingham and Cardiff. pick them up before they’re all out ’cause they’re going soon. AAAAlso this is a video of me making mac n cheese and talking about my book but I can’t tell you that you’re gonna love my book unless I prove it to you so here’s a quick snippet of me at the original end of the video, reading out one of my favourite parts. ENJOY I also animated something to it, it took me a very long time plEASE APPRECIATE THANK YOU I might read that last bit. I’m very sad, very depressed, I’ve been broken up with, or like I know things are ending with someone “oh I read this bit!” WELL I’m reading it to you So, I brushed past a couple in the queue *ehmm* there’s a woman wearing white lacy ears and she has a badge that says “happily ever after” in a font that reminds me of primary school. she’s holding her partner’s hand loosely, their fingers interlocking, her mouth is up turned, her eyes glossy, she danced her head around clearly drinking in and relishing the situation around her. my eyes immediately fill with tears, but not because I’m jealous. one day I will be standing in Disneyland with white ears and a happy badge. I’ll be holding someone’s arm smiling up at the world around me. the grey memories of now will be tied up in a little box and they will sit somewhere in the back of my mind, available enough to visit if I need, but far away enough for them to not hurt me. I will be an entirely different woman, someone who is not in pain and someone who cannot relate to the numb, cold, sad girl that I am now. she feels so far away that she must be impossible, the pain is so real right now that it feels like I would be this girl forever, but I know that that can’t be true. I chew on my straw and blink back tears breathing in a mixture of hope, depression and hurt. (editing dodie): yEEAAHHH, okay, now on with the video, enjoy! HELLOOOO EVERYONEEEE *laughs* I’m gonna be making mac n cheese which is a recipe in my book “Secrets for the mad” which is also what I’m gonna be talking about today *mac n cheese mac n cheese mac n cheese* is this enough pasta for everyone? “you don’t need a whole bag” you, me…….. oKAY “LIgHTLy salt the water” ironically I don’t have any maccaroni ironically maccaroni???? *laughs* nO for one second I was like (*inaudible* lol) you know I putted in the whole pasta(?) “yeah I know you but I don’t care” do you ever film something and as you’re filming you’re like “this is shit” *laughs* (ask me)…in fact a lot of people ask me “what was the most difficult thing to write?” I’m glad I have my book for reference “available now in all good bookstores and online!!!” thank you I think writing about death was kind of difficult, *laughs* to like write about my dead friend and my dead granny. it was a bit sad to kind of dip back into that… *ehmm* but also interesting I say this a lot but I honestly think that like going through everything again and like writing about it was really therapeutic ’cause it was like diary entries, but like poetic, arty diary entries to like, make something out of it and like wrap up problems in a bow, was just really nice. writing about sex was also difficult ’cause it’s so vulnerable it’s just really like *uggHHHH* but it shouldn’t be, and that was my point. *ehmm* what else?… “forkfuls of salad” *ehmm* which is a chapter about like eating it’s just all of the like really vulnerable things were really difficult ’cause I was nervous to share it in such detail it was fun to do, it was fun to write but it was difficult knowing that people would read it *laughs* anyway! get another pan another question I got was “who did the artwork?” and it was by a guy called Benjamin Phillips and I’ll his handles everywhere but he’s very lovely!! he came around to draw me which was really fun I just really liked his style of drawing, it seemed really like kind of scratchy but also like quirky and kind of young, I just really liked it, it really fit my writing style I think. tHIS IS REALLY DIFFICULT!!! I didn’t realize how difficult cooking and answering questions would be “don’t ever have kids” *laughs* *ehmm* another question! “did you choose the songs and the structure?” so I kind of collected everything I’d written so far because I wrote just in general, and I wanted to use it in the book and then I kind of like based some topics around it, my friend Lucy really really helped me, she came around one morning, we just kind of like planned the structure of my book. and like grouped them into different topics and then with each topic my song was just like naturally falling into them! “is there gonna be an audio book?” Hazel, is there gonna be an audio book? “yes there is dodie, available at all good audio book stores and online!!” *laughs* yes, there will be but we haven’t finished it. yeah, I went in and like recorded it, it was really fun to do because I could read it out in the way I wrote it, like, in my voice! I will learn how to find love for myself by myself and not to look for it from people who give it out rarely as a way to convince myself I am special enough. someone said “I’m getting it for Christmas, are there any bits that I should brace myself for?” I’d say the first chapter and the bad brain section is kind of heavy, especially bits where I talk about my breakdowns, but I try and wrap everything up with a good message and something I’ve learned from it because that’s the whole point of it. someone asked “what is the weirdest location you wrote in?” I have a few of those! I wrote a chapter 40,000 feet up in the air, in an airplane, whilst tipsy. I wrote one mid depressive episode at a 1975 concert, that’s the chapter called “watery milk” I wrote a chapter in the queue for Tower of Terror at Disneyworld God, why is cheese so good!!! someone else asked “is it really awkward to show people?” actually not to think about it! my grandad’s reading it, he’s read it twice actually, he’s 92 but he says that there are chapters that he might not read. it’s a mistery! “favourite chapters/bits?” *ehmm* I’m really proud of anything about heartbreak I was going through a breakup while writing that and then I wasn’t and then I was again. “what were the other processes like?” so like, picking the paper and the look of it. we went to water stones, we took a trip to water stones and I picked up like books that are like refences of what I wanted it to look like and feel like. so I knew I wanted the texture front like the hardback ughh, so nice! and then a Pinterest board of like my vibe and the style. the guy who designed my book is the guy who played Bollo in the Mighty Boosh “that’s so random!!” is it no? weird! so weird! his name is Dave. we didn’t talk about – IT’S SNOWING!!! “NOOOO!!!” IT’S SNOWING!!! “WHAAT???” CAN YOU SEE IT??!! “YEAHHHH, though that’s the shittiest weakest snow I’ve ever seen!” *laughs* last question is “what is your favourite page?” TA DAAA! I might read that last bit. (editing dodie): hey throwback, remember that? breathing in a mixture of hope, depression and hurt. and then there’s Disneyland!!! *ugHHH* I love that page! and on that note, would you like some mac n cheese? “yeaaah! so tasty, genuinely” *mmMMMM* THAT IS SO GOOD see you all! “byee” byeeeee “byee” tell me it’s good! “*mmMMMM* it’s delicious!” it’s good Dan! “it’s very nice! it’s lovely!” (tessa with funny voice): “it’s so delicious! how I love me some mac n cheese when made by dodie clark!” “where might I find the recipe dodie?” well Dan, – “oh goodness!” what is it? “that is a book” “it says Secrets for the mad by dod- bUT YOU’RE DODIE!!!” *GASP* TA TA TA TANNNNN (tessa): “there’s no way that’s the real dodie” (dan): “this is dodie!” *laughs* my friends are weird!