PORTA DOS FUNDOS N°1

PORTA DOS FUNDOS N°1


Hello, my name is César Menotti. You must know me from the DVDs Words of Love, Voice in the Heart or as the dead fat guy from CSI Nova Iguaçu. Today I’m here to announce… Holy Shit… I’m going to announce to you, is that ok? And today I’m presenting to you a world full of fantasy, fun and fantasy. And today I’m presenting to you a world full of fantasy, adventure… And today I’m presenting to you a world full of fantasy, fun, adventure and possible civil or criminal lawsuits. Get ready, because, it’s starting the show Porta dos Fundos. Yep. It’s not just a fifteen minutes video as you thought it would be. So, you can press pause, make a cottage cheese sandwish and grab the nescau. The opening is starting but first there is a video… Say it again, “but only after the first video that starts now.” The opening is starting but only after the first video that is starting now. Ok. Mauricio? Mauricio! Mauricio, come here! Mauricio, it’s me, Jorge. I don’t know who you’re talking to, honey. Mauricio, it’s me. Jorge from the company. Stop joking around. It’s me. I work here, you crazy bitch. Mauricio, what is this shit, Mauricio? Don’t you say a word, shit! Shut up, shit! Mauricio, you’re fooling nobody as a shemale… My dick! It’s raining clients! Here! Everybody is fucking. Mauricio. Mauricio, are you prostituting yourself? You’re a hooker?! Aren’t you in need of money? Don’t you ever needed money in your life? Not like this. I’m fifteen months on my back rent. Fifteen! And it’s not any pocket money back rent. It’s pool. Twenty-four hour Doorman. Squash room. Running track. My daughter wanna go to English courses. Ask me if it’s Wizard. It’s Cultura Inglesa! And the little one only eats Negresco. Negresco! What do you wanna eat? Negresco. Give him a Mabel donut for him to throw in your face just to say: Now do the math. I want Negresco! Mauricio. Stop. Come back here. Stop! Mauricio. For god’s sake. I’m your friend, man. I’m human. We watched Rim Tim Tim together. You could asked me for money. I could have? I could?! No. No, you couldn’t because I’m fucked.But… Understand? That’s what I’m talking about. You’re fucked, needing some money. This is the place. You’re crazy. Only you are capable of something like this. Only me? That’s what you think. Do you know Marquinho from PR? Vascaíno? He brought me here! That’s him! Over there! Behind the taxi. In fishnets. It’s him. Just don’t look like him. Behind him, Chico from marketing. There is Chico… Chico! Chico, say hi. Mineiro! Come here, Chico. Stop it! That can’t be Chico. By the way, if you came looking for something… nice, I would say that Chico is what you’re looking for. Chico says that he has a velvet tongue. I don’t know. But… he’s around. You’re lucky he is here. Chico! A Client! Stop! I’m not in the mood anymore. I felt a desire. But it’s gone already. Mauricio. Stop. Mauricio, it’s me. Mauricio, it’s me! Don’t you snitch on me! You’re not going to snitch me! No, I don’t. Look at me. I rat on you too, huh? I know what you came here for. We’re a team. No one says nothing. That’s right. Now beat it because I have a lot of negresco to buy. Mauricio, come here. What time is the meeting tomorrow? Eight o’clock. And the reports? It’s here. All that I need is here. In a rain of cocks, you choose the smaller and sit on top. It’s like that one when your husband wakes up with a hard cock and you think… All of you happy. He woke up horny. Twenty years of marriage, he wakes up wanting to have sex. He don’t want sex, love. He wants to piss. You can check he is running to the bathroom. Sorry folks. I’m denouncing you guys. Sorry, but… we have to talk about this. Just like when we do thirty and nodes start appearing around your belly. You know how it is? I got three here. I named them. Huey, Dewey and Louie. You know what I’m talking about. Right? No one here has nodes around the belly? Guys, falseness. I get it, but this you have to assume. When you go to the bathroom, open the newspaper, on the toilet, reading, suddenly it looks like you’re giving birth to a pineapple. You look to the toilet, all red. Your wife says it’s blood. You call her, “honey, that must be blood.” What blood? I’m shitting blood? No one? Ok. Gonna take it easy, then. One thing I know for sure you have. Sores. Every man after twenty five start seeing sores throughout your body. Itches, you go to the pharmacy, shows, what is this… Hi. Sorry. What? Audience participating now. Speak, honey. I was talking to Neide right now. All symptoms you’re describing are symptoms of Anal Cancer. Are you a doctor? No. No doctor. I’m not a doctor. How do you know? Where did you saw this? Well… Evacuating blood, all these symptoms you described. Fecal incontinence. Wikipedia. My uncle had that disease, ok? We went through that same problem in family. In our family. He was your uncle. But now he is fine? No. He is not fine. He died. He passed away, huh? Yes. Because of this. After the diagnose he lasted less than two months. Ok. Thanks. Guys, and telemarketing? You call wanting to finish, to cancel a subscription and they put you on a holding line. If the guy has a Heart Attack, he dies. What’s up, gang? Are you enjoying the show as much as I am. But it’s not over yet. Soon after our “commercials”, we are back with a bunch of cool stuff. Janaina is a housewife and lives life intensely. Wakes up at dawn, tends the house, the family, health and intellect. The obligations of being a mom and leisure. The social life. Takes care of her sex life, the garden and the business. And still finds time to take an afternoon nap. Janaina is a housewife and uses: COCAINE After the day is over, Janaina still finds time to prostitute herself, Go up the favela, shot her pimp and steal the drug spot. Cocaine.Because life is already fucked up without her. This medication can lead to high chemical and physical dependency, occasional tendency to abusive sexual behaviors, material or family detachment, cutaneous eruptions, loss of smell, brain damage, death, prostitution, 6 to 10 years of prison for traffic according to art. 12 of the law I 6.368/76, 20 to 30 years for stealing followed by death according to the article 157 of the law 8.072/90 and runny nose. We’re back from our commercials and now to our videos. Next video is a pretty cool video. I like to call him Evangelic Porn. I like to call him that because that’s his name. If I called him something else nobody would understand. Come you too to delve with all malice and lust that only the anointed people can give. Fall in temptation for the allowed pleasure. Live the hottest moments of pure intimacy. Under the supervision of God. And her brother. And go! Hold the sword of fire that resides in every Christian. Delight yourself with the pleasures that procreation sex has to offer. The Big Rod. He will bless you. Stop. Can you zoom in? I can. Closer. I told you we could see the orkut of the hot chick, fuck. Right on. Let’s start. Let’s start. I’ll start. My gift is to a person that I love very, very much. Suspense. Give a hint. ok, fine. My hidden friend, she has bad breath and a fluff. Miriam! No because she doesn’t have smelly armpits. My hidden friend had an abortion twice. Soraia. No because she is not fat. My hidden friend she already cheated her husband. Greice. No because she is not ugly. My hidden friend, she… I got it. She has anal sex with animals. Then, it’s me! Girlfriend! Only you… ah, Gillete! For your armpits. I love it. I love it.I love it. I love it! My hidden friend, I’m going to reveal right now, is a lesbian, in the closet, And already fucked three that are here, in this table. But then it’s impossible. That can be any one. Fine. My hidden friend, she stinks! Of what? Slurry. That one is Miriam. Miriam! Miriam got shy. Gosh. Just like Net. You have to cancel Net subscription. You have to reserve your whole day. You can’t do nothing else. Today I’m going to call Net. Hi. No. Hi. That’s old. Sorry to interrupt you again. No. Talk. That’s old. Net can solve your problem in less than two minutes. Because of the PROCON, many complains, that don’t happens anymore. NET is wonderful now, we even received proposition from GVT. We refused because NET even offered us free trial. It’s been awhile that I… I would like to tell the audience that if it happens to you. Telecine and HBO, ok? Thanks. Can I try to continue? Not all the time it takes long, sometimes it’s fast. But let’s suppose that it would. What I was going to say was that, you would, like, Shave your beard because when the phone call was done your beard would be here. I would say that. If it took so long… It’s fast, we have to think in something else that takes that long. Well gang, that was the show of today. I had lots of fun with you guys and i hope you too. As you can see, up here you can subscribe to our channel. Also, you don’t want to miss our wonderful videos that we’ll post during the week. Meanwhile, you can check the credits of everyone that worked in this show. It’s down here. Who lives in Rio knows this. There is a traffic jam on Mena barreto that is already classical and makes no sense at all. You’re driving, you stop for hours and suddenly it moves. Why… Sorry. Sorry. Excuse me. Hi. That doesn’t happen anymore. That’s from CEDAE, disturbing our neighborhood for centuries. But they have a acceleration project. You know what you do? Take São Clemente, you go to Humaitá, you solve your problem easily. What your saying is silly. Nobody goes through that, these days. We. All our cousins live in the same neighborhood. Wow. Living and learning. I had a bunch of stuff about Mena Barreto. Any street that is always in a jam you know so I can substitute the joke?